Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
