how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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