tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
