No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
