Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
