Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
