You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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