There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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