Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
