do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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