Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just had sex bonerless
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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