I didn't shave. On purpose
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
