we have pet lesbian snakes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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