You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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