I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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