Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
