I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
