Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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