im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
