I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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