i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
