I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
