You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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