I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
