I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
