So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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