The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
