I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
