Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
