question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
