Whod you bang
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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