yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
