I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
