What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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