I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
