ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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