OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
