those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
pray to the hookup gods
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
