period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
