We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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