she was so not down for the gang bang
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
