Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
