My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
