I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
farters have to be the big spoon...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
