had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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