I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
