she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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