we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
