I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Don't judge me đđź his dick just whispers my name
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type âdog twerkingâ into google search? Because I donât think you do.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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