I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
