dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am naked and annoyed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
