Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Mom said you looked used
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
