Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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